Wowzer... I decided to start a draft of a query letter for "Surrender" today. This is going to be REALLY hard. It's difficult making something sound interesting and fun, you know? I'm using a few sample query letters in the October 2010 issue of "Writer's Digest" as guidelines, but I still don't know if I have something solid. I wish I had an agent friend to read it over for me. At any rate, I just have to hope that it's the best and keep looking for other examples.
So, I'm seeking help (yet again) with my summary. I feel like I need to get it down to 1-3 sentences (as a hook). I know it's hard to help when you haven't read the entire novel, but hopefully you smart readers/writers out there could offer a little bit of help?
First question, if you read the following HOOK, would you be at all interested in the story?:
"Sixteen-year-old Evelyn is a biracial girl who learns that she was created by angels to be a vessel, a weapon for an approaching angelic war."
Or how about this:
"Evelyn has just learned that she was created by angels to be a vessel, a weapon to use in the approaching angelic war. However, she has to first decide which side--angels or demons--she wants to fight for."
Ahhh, please help! I can't believe how difficult this is.
Okay, and here's what I have for the summary for an agent. (I'm worried that it might give away too much of the story, thoughts?)
For the last six years, Evelyn and her father have hopped from state to state, hiding in big cities while running from something or someone from the past. As the last place she felt happy and secure, Evelyn returns to Falls, New Hampshire with her tiny and dysfunctional family. However, if she'd known that she was safer outside town, she wouldn't have moved back. Falls is not what it once was.
As a new student at Stonegrove High School, Evelyn discovers that she may never be a normal, happy girl. Her former best friend has vanished, she's followed by a young man who she is strangely drawn to, and a cute boy's attention is both confusing and exciting. And jsut when she has a handle on her new surroundings, her best friend Lucas Starr and Lillian, his mother, return and Evelyn's world tailspins. Lucas has changed and his mother has taken a peculiar interest in Evelyn.
On her seventeenth birthday, Evelyn dies and is reborn as an angel, a vessel full of life. She barely has time to readjust to her new self when she learns that she was created using the essence of the first Eve, matriarch of all humans, and that Lillian Starr is actually Lilith, Adam's first wife, an outcast of Eden, and mother to all demons. Focused on Lilith's need for revenge, the war above is just barely stirring, and Evelyn is uncertain of where her focus should be. She tries to lean on her friends only to realize that they can't, and shouldn't, interfere. Evelyn is forced to realize that she may always be alone.
I know ya'll are probably sick of these posts, but I'd love to hear a few opinions. This is hard. :(
Side note: I will be publishing the next chapter of "Surrender" (new material that none of my blog followers will have read yet) on FictionPress hopefully by the end of the night.