No news is not good news... in this case anyway

At this point I've sent out seven query letters (three of them were a no, and I'm pretty sure one more is a no). The agency was like "if we don't contact you in six weeks, it's a no." Well, going by how quick some of the others get back to me, I kind of have to figure that it's a no. Some say that "if you don't hear from us at all, it's a no," which I think is lame. While I don't really like form rejection letters, they do make the process faster. Anyway, there are 50 agents on this list of mine, some of which I've already trimmed out as not being a close enough match to what I and they are looking for. I may look into the new publishing books that came out (2012 Guide to Literary Agents) to see if I can find more. Maybe.

Rejections take a lot out of me. It's not like I'm taking it personally (that the "nos" mean I'm a horrible writer who should just stop trying). [If I have confidence in one thing in my life, it's my ability to tell a story.] But each rejection puts me further away from the dream that I have to publish. So far, submitting for my novel has been far different than short stories. The rejections come MUCH faster. With short stories it always took about three months to hear back; by then I'd had enough time to process and trick myself into thinking that maybe my story was on some "maybe" pile and ultimately not selected. With these email queries "no thanks" comes like machine gun fire. There's really no time to process it. So I need to get used to that. It's making this a really difficult process. Each rejection I get makes me think "Well, maybe it really isn't going to happen for me and I need to deal with that now and move on. What's plan B?"

I want to give kudos to all those authors who do submit to 100+ agents. I don't know that I have the heart for that. Plus, I grow a bit restless and feel like after so many it's time to set it aside and move on. But who's to say that agent 51 is the one who says yes. This game has definitely messed with my emotions the last few days.


So, in hope to rise out of this funk, I've decided to do some work on ARABELLE WILD. Why? First, because the characters have popped into my head a lot lately (I think I have "Downton Abbey" to thank, even though the era isn't the same). Second, because I'm having a hard time starting book 2 of my SPIRIT KEEPER series. I've been planning and outlining, but I just don't feel it at the moment. So, I need to take a bit of a break from it all together and switch my mind over to something else. And I'll admit, it's kinda nice to do something else. Maybe this is what my brain needs to get it together and reconnect with the joy of writing. 'Cause right now, I just want to curl up in bed and lay there quietly for a couple days. It'll pass, but being in the crush of it is definitely draining.

I suppose the good news is that it's 9pm and I haven't gotten a rejection email yet, which is good 'cause today was pretty ho-hum.

So much to do.....

It's official, I probably won't be doing much new writing until I feel like I've got a few things finalized with SURRENDER. I'm getting close to being done with the synopsis, I hope. They query letter is another beast that I'm slowly tackling. I'm starting to understand why it's taken me so long to actually take these steps toward getting my novels published. This is a lot of work. It's stressful, sometimes heart crushing... I don't know, the list goes on (fill it with negative words). Just when I think I'm done with something and get feedback it's like "nope, not yet." I can't even imagine what I'll feel when/if I'm successful at finding an agent who wants to represent me and they want me to make more changes. Will it ever be 100 percent? This is a very difficult process. I'm determined not to throw in the towel, although it's tempting at times.

Today I spent a little time looking at the agent list that I compiled months ago. I'm always shocked at how overwhelmed I get when I work on different elements of the submission process. First paring 510 pages down to 10 (the synopsis and I need to cut those 10 to one page). Now the big issue is finding something about my top 15 agents to personalize the query letter. Each publishing book that I read suggests that writers find a way to connect to the agent--make them feel special. I understand this completely (on agent I'm looking at says that they get 10,000+ queries a year!), but it's difficult. So far my reasons for querying are: 1) they represent diverse projects (I won't always write YA), 2) they're looking for writers who want to develop their skills and the agent-writer relationship (check, I totally want this too), and 3) I really liked one of the authors they already represent. Who knows if the last one is a valid "connection" or not.

I think when it comes down to it, I need to trust my instincts. If I feel it's as close to final as I can get it, then I just need to go with it and not try to get a second opinion. Another issue is that I want all of this to happen tomorrow... that definitely isn't realistic.

I guess I'm just having a hard day with this process. And I still don't like the title.

I'm overwhelmed for sure.