Okay all... here's a draft of the blurb for KILLING MOMZILLAS... thoughts?
Moo
is getting married. Estela vows to do everything she can to give her best
friend the perfect wedding. Of course, Paulina Hart, Moo’s overbearing,
controlling, and evil mother, has sunk her Momzilla talons into the wedding
details and is shredding everything! To keep Moo’s dream day from chaos and
ruin, Estela takes a more hands-on role in wedding planning. At this point, she
has successfully tackled a stalker and a serial killer. Facing a sulfur-breathing,
cream cashmere skirt-suit wearing, demon with evil clown red hair—no problem.
Estela
learns quickly that pulling off a hitch-free, Momzilla-free wedding while
simultaneously dealing with a forced partnership with a sex-crazed dominatrix, a
trip to meet her biological father and half-siblings, and a quickly changing
friendship, is pretty difficult. Putting all of her focus on Moo is forcing Estela’s
other relationships, including the details of her own wedding, to the
backburner. When things start falling apart at the seams, Estela realizes that she
has to do something to mend the cracks in her life before she loses not only Moo,
but Caleb too.
Hey, the reads really awkwardly to me. Like it tells me what's going on but its not catchy or really attention grabbing and it feels like a lot so going on.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I had a few people on facebook tell me that some of the sentences were too long and wordy. I'm working on that... not sure what to do to make it more catchy though. I kinda hate this part :)
ReplyDeleteOkay, so I'm home and I'm fairly alert so I think I'm going to try my hand at rewording this a bit. I think just changing the opening and rearranging sentences can help with the catchiness of it.
ReplyDelete"Over the past year* (sorry, not sure of the timeline) Estela has successfully managed to get a boyfriend, handle a stalker and deal with a serial killer. Her best friend's wedding should be a piece of cake.
Except, Paulina Hart, Moo’s overbearing, controlling, and evil mother, has sunk her Momzilla talons into the wedding details and is shredding everything! So Estela's doing damage control to ensure Moo's dream day doesn't get ruined. She handled a pervert and a murderer, a demon in a cashmere suit with clown hair is no problem, best friend's mother or not.
Between connecting with family she's never met and a forced partnership with a dominatrix, it's hard enough to focus on giving Moo a hitch-free Momzilla-free wedding without having to deal with changes in their friendship or the fact that her own wedding plans have been pushed to the backburner.
When things start falling apart at the seams, Estela realizes that she has to do something to mend the cracks in her life before she loses not only Moo, but Caleb too."
So, I tried to work with what you already had but I still feel like there's a lot of information, maybe cut out the bitabout the dominatrix and the meeting with her father or reword it so it's not so detailed.
So maybe just make that paragraph about changing relationships not only with friends but with family and Caleb as she puts her wedding on the backburner or something.
I don't know if that helps any. Happy new year!
It does help! I had an idea of a way to switch around sentences too. My other blurbs have all been a tad long, so I'm not really concerned with that part of it. I do want it to be catchy though. Let me play around...
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year! Any big resolutions for this year?
Not yet, I know I want to really focus on my writing/editing and actually put myself out there in regards to submitting things or even self-pubbing but nothing figured out for sure.
ReplyDeleteHow about you? Any resolutions?
I have several... but one is to write at least one hour a day. I've spent all of this last year editing, so I want to make sure I'm creating new stuff too. I'm going to start by finishing that regency novella I was working on. I'm also going to try to jog a 5K by the end of the year.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely get your self out there! If you want me to read anything for you, let me know :)
Hi, I just wanted to say that I loved KM1 and KM2. I read them ages ago on fictionpress and was so happy to stumble upon them again. I read them this second time in a day. I can't wait for the next ones! I swear I could read 20 more books centered on Estela and Moo lol.
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous Reader!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the message! KM3 is coming very soon!!!! (I hope by the weekend, but no promises). I wonder if I have 20 Es and Moo books in me? :) I can't say that I don't, but I tend to write what comes to me when it comes to me. After I get all these KM books released, followed by Hostile Kisses, I may take a break to work on my YA trilogy. I wish I had more time!