So, here's a draft of the blurb for KM2. I'm always looking for feedback so lay it on me and I'll consider everything! :)
DRAFT 1
When
the choice was to either track down and bust a serial killer or have sex with
her boyfriend, Estela would rather butt in to an FBI investigation than take a
chance at another failed tryst in the sheets—or hay. Although she’s madly in
love with Caleb and is having fun trying, she just can’t bring herself to seal
the deal, and, quite frankly, feels a bit deformed.
Perhaps
being stalked, terrorized, and assaulted by a man who proclaimed his undying
love for her and then shot her uncle in the neck, has left her with a little
PTSD. Or maybe she’s just not ready for sex. (At twenty-six, going on
twenty-seven, she really should be ready!) Either way, Estela is sure that she
can identify a serial killer just by looking at him. So,
when the deaths of several women connected to Christian Waller, the fiancé of
Estela’s friend Olive, begin, Estela is sure that he’s the culprit and
that Olive may be next.
Teaming
up with Moo for a little Moostela Investigation, Estela sets off to bring
Christian down hoping to avoid an end where she’s staring down the barrel of
gun held by another psychopath.
UPDATE:
Teaming
up with Moo for a little Moostela Investigation, Estela sets off to bring
Christian down while avoiding an ending that has her staring down the barrel of gun
held by another psychopath.
UPDATE:
DRAFT 2
If
you have black, demon-like eyes, you must be a serial killer, so says Estela
Ramos who just survived the overwhelming experience of being stalked and
terrorized by a man declaring his undying love. She knew Dr. Pervo was creepy from the start and is now positive
that she can identify a murderer just by looking at him.
But
perhaps being loved so devotedly by a crazy person has left Estela with a
little PTSD. When given the choice to either have sex with her boyfriend or track
down and bust a serial killer, Estela would rather butt in to an FBI
investigation. Although she’s madly in love with Caleb and has fun trying, she
just can’t bring herself to seal the deal, and, quite frankly, feels a bit
deformed. Why take a chance at another failed tryst in the sheets—or hay—when there
is a serial killer afoot?
When
several young women connected to Christian Waller, the fiancé of her friend
Olive, are murdered, Estela is certain that Christian’s the culprit and that Olive,
pregnant with his triplets, may be the next victim. Estela just has to prove it, which is hard when no one takes her seriously.
It made me laugh and chuckle... lol.
ReplyDeleteDid it? :) Well that's good!
ReplyDeleteHmm... need to think. Mostly good... but I don't feel like I learn a whole lot about what will happen in this book. It seems to focus a little bit too much on what happened in book 1 instead.
ReplyDeleteAnd she's had "failed trysts" with Caleb? Or does that happen in this book? I kind of feel like the first paragraph should be the second on. Or parts of the second one should come first...
Not sure if I'm making sense, but here... I tried to rearrange some things using everything you already had and not adding anything! (so it is 100% you!)
"After being stalked, terrorized, and assaulted by a man who proclaimed his undying love for her and then shot her uncle in the neck, has left her with a little PTSD. Or at least that's what she'd like to believe when she can’t bring herself to seal the deal and have sex with her boyfriend.
Although she’s madly in love with Caleb and is having fun trying, Estela would rather butt in to an FBI investigation and try to track a serial killer than take a chance at another failed tryst in the sheets—or hay. Or maybe she’s just not ready for sex.
Either way, Estela is sure that she can identify a serial killer just by looking at him. So, when the deaths of several women connected to Christian Waller, the fiancé of Estela’s friend Olive, begin, Estela is sure that he’s the culprit and that Olive may be next.
Teaming up with Moo for a little Moostela Investigation, Estela sets off to bring Christian down hoping to avoid an end where she’s staring down the barrel of gun held by another psychopath."
Oops... noticed a grammar typo (my fault) that wasn't fixed in my rearrangement:
ReplyDelete"After being stalked, terrorized, and assaulted by a man who proclaimed his undying love for her and then shot her uncle in the neck, Estela Ramos thinks she might have a little PTSD."
Yeah, the failed trysts are book 2. I can see what you mean about it seeming like it's more a recap of book one. I'll have to think about it a little--it could just be a matter of wording in that first part. Initially, I did start with "After being stalked..." but then changed it because I didn't want to summary and the novel to start exactly the same.
ReplyDeleteHere's the opening: "After being stalked, terrorized, and assaulted by a man who proclaimed his undying love for me and then shot my uncle in the neck, I found myself with a new extrasensory power: the ability to tell if someone was a killer just by looking at them."
So, that was my thought process, but I do see the value of starting with the old and working into the new story. I'm gonna think on it.
Thanks for the suggestion!!!!
I like the first one, although that last line (in both) made me think 'if you stayed out of it, you wouldn't have to worry about that' so I might word that a bit differently.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback Jammi! It's all about tweaking and figuring it out... I think I'm going with the second one (tweaked a little).
ReplyDelete