The final page count: 572.
New title: "Surrender" (A Fallen Guardian Novel)
Let me tell you how hard finding the right title was. I'm not even sure if this is the right one, but this one is gonna be the final working title when I send it out to agents. It's better than "The Falling" in my eyes. I didn't really want something that had "fallen" in the title, because a lot of books about angels are 1) about fallen angels, and 2) have fallen in the title. I suppose "A Fallen Guardian Novel" sorts leans on the "fallen" thing, but OH well...
I'm not sure if I can summarize the story yet. Summarizing is a scary thing because so much leans on the summary or the book jacket. I know I'm not going to please everyone, but it's also about being honest and true to the story. Let me try... you'll probably read a few of these in the next several months.
"Surrender: A Fallen Guardian Novel"For the last six years, Evelyn and her father have hopped from state to state chasing after his drug needs and running from a darkness in her past that she can't remember. Now, desperate for a little happiness and peace, she's returning to the only home she remembers with any joy: Falls, New Hampshire. But things have changed in Falls. As she starts a new school year at Stonegrove High she quickly learns that her world is not what it seems and she may never have a "normal" life. She can't find her best friend Lucas, she's being followed by a young man who she is frightened of and drawn to, catches the eye of a popular boy who constantly toys with her emotions, and then Lucas and his mother return and Evelyn's world tailspins. As her seventeenth birthday nears, Evelyn learns that she was created to be a vessel--either for good or evil--and that humans are not the only beings to walk the streets of Falls.
Soooo... there we go. It's difficult because I don't want to give too much away about the plot. So, this is another draft. Of course any suggestions would be welcome, just know that "it sucks" isn't very helpful. :) Oh, and I didn't change the name of the town because I couldn't think of anything better. I think I'll keep it the same.
Finally a blog! I've been checking regularly. :)
ReplyDeleteSo I like the summary, but the beginning sounds a bit off. "Chasing after his drugs needs" Unless he's on some rare drug that is keeping him alive I find that a bit weird, because in this day an age, you can literally gets drugs everywhere.
And I'm being really picky here since I've read the summary quite a few times now, but for someone whose always travelling, I don't think they'd have time to set up 'home' if you catch my drift. So this sounds kinda weird too. "she's returning to the only home she remembers with any joy"
There's WAY too many boys for my liking, lol.
And I'm hating the fact that she's 17. I think being 17 means she's being looked after...by her parents, guardians, someone older. I find 17 such a young age and I don't find the story as believable.
Great comments!
ReplyDeleteYour input on the drug part in the beginning is spot on because it's true, you can get drugs anywhere. And it's not really so much about the drug as it is about hiding from something. Moving around a lot so you can't be found.
She lived in Falls for nine years before she started moving around, so it is the only home she's known... I wonder if I should make that clearer here or just let readers learn that in the story?
There are lots of boys :) but she's got a spunky and fun girlfriend too. Do you mean mention of too many boys in the summary or in general. If it's in general, well, that's not likely going to change.
She's definitely not a girl who is looked after by her parents. Her mom left them when she was nine and her dad's a drug addict who is out of it most of the time. It's pretty clear early on that she's been taking care of herself for the last six years (and now). Again, I wonder if that needs to be clearer.
Thanks Sammy! Hopefully you'll keep commenting on the these little summaries as I post them b/c your thoughts are great. Also, I know I should post more sometimes I just don't know what to write about.
So I hope you don't mind but I tried to reply to you, but my sentences ended up not making sense. In the ending I ended up copying and pastiing your summary and this is what happened.
ReplyDeleteFor the last six years, Evelyn and her father have hopped from state to state running away from people that would hurt them due to her father's criminal past and a darkness in her past that she can't remember.
Now, desperate for a little happiness and peace, she's returning to the only home she remembers: Falls, New Hampshire. But things have changed in Falls. As she starts a new school year at Stonegrove High she quickly learns that her world is not what it seems and she may never have a "normal" life. She can't find her best friend Lucas, she's being followed by a young man whom she is frightened of and drawn too, and has time to spare to catch the eye of a popular boy who constantly toys with her emotions, and then Lucas and his mother return and Evelyn's world tailspins.
As her seventeenth birthday nears, Evelyn learns that she was created to be a vessel--either for good or evil--and that humans are not the only beings to walk the streets of Falls.
I realise there are WAY to many 'and's' lol. But it's nearing 2am here. 9 mins left and my sister is starting to moan about the light...:(
I really hope you don't mind. And I shall reply to your new blog post tomorrow morning. :)
Haha, I don't mind at all :) The first part needs work on my part just to clear up what's happening with her father. He's not so much a criminal just a drug addict. Get some sleep!
ReplyDeleteI don't mind her being seventeen, I think a lot of seventeen year olds are facing things that are beyond their age level and if handled correctly it can work. I mean, if you think about it, a drug addict father, bouncing around her whole life and some issue in her past? Learning she's a vessel is just another crappy card she's been handed.
ReplyDeleteI do think that Sammy's version reads smoother, there are some awkward parts, like 'has time to spare to catch the eye of...' and the use of past twice in the opening paragraph but those are just nitpicky things, it gets across what you want to say without changing your words up too much and clears up some of the vague parts that were in your original summary.
Boys wise, I think it would really depend on the way you've created your character and the way they all interact.
Congrats on finishing your edits! I swear that's the hardest part because once you're finished a story you just want to jump onto the next one, not stop and reread/rewrite/fix little things in the one you've finished already.
I think Sammy's reads smoother too. I'm still going to work on it a little and I'll probably post it again here.
ReplyDeleteI've always been the type of person to jump from one big project to the next and not really do any editing. It's a little different this time around. I want to jump back in and start the second edit (for typos and things), but I feel like I need to let it sit for a few weeks so I can come back to it with clearer eyes. I also want to start the next book in the series. Ugh, I have so much to do!!
I'm so glad you don't mind, I wasn't sure if I was crossing some kind of line. I just couldn't get my sentences to make sense when I tried to give normal feedback, it was just lots of comma's and suggestions.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with Jammi, [sorry I don't know your real name, or if that is your real name] about the boy issue. Hopefully they won't all clash together.
I guess the age issue with me comes from the fact that I read too many fictionpress stories and there are WAY too many 15-18 year olds acting older and it results in lots of plot holes.
Yeah, I can't remember where I read it but you're supposed to give yourself breaks between the original writing of the story and your first edit and then a break between each edit that way you don't get sick of it and you can be more objective.
ReplyDeleteAnd I guess depending on how fast you write and how well you're able to multi-task you could start the next book in the series during your break from editing.