Finished: Edit #8

I just finished the eighth edit of THE SPIRIT KEEPER. It's now 540 pages (174,590 words, which is about 100,000 words over the average YA novel length). I did cut some with this edit... maybe 5 or 6 pages. I personally think that the length works for the story I'm telling in this book. I wouldn't care at all if I already had an agent. The big issue is finding someone who won't pass on it because it's too long. At this point, I can't find anything else to cut so it's either going to stay at this length or an editor/agent will need to tell me what doesn't need to be there. Oh well... it's done, for now. I can only hope at this point that my main character, Evelyn, is more likeable/interesting. I like her.

My next project is to start editing KILLING MEMORIES. Lord, I hope I don't make it longer. I'm going into it with the mindset of just cleaning it up, but who knows what will happen. The good thing is that I re-read it a few months ago and it's not horrible, like I thought it would be. [I thought so because I wrote the first half not really knowing where it was going and then outlined the second half, and rushed the ending.] My goal is to have it up as an ebook by May, so I'm glad that I finished up the edit today because now I'm free to work on it. Although, I should start working on the next book in my SPIRIT KEEPER trilogy (and I should submit it some more). Maybe I'll try to multitask.

Anyway, it's so beautiful in Maryland right now (although it's supposed to be like 80 degrees later this week and I think it's too early for those temps!) I had a few friends in town this weekend and we went to see the cherry blossoms, a beautiful D.C. staple. Japan gave the trees to the United States as a gift and this year is the centennial birthday (I guess that's what it's called). They bloomed early this year because of the crazy nice weather we're having. Happy Spring everyone!

Cherry Blossom tree along the Tidal Basin, Washington D.C. Across the way is the Jefferson Monument.

Switch up

Sometimes I just need to change things up. This layout is a little more "subdued" I suppose. I'm kinda feeling it at the moment. Give it a few more months. I've got about 330 pages left to edit (out of 530) of THE SPIRIT KEEPER. As always I'm battling with length, but only because it's really hard to break in to publishing with a longer book, unless you're a celebrity.

Anyway, going to see The Lorax with my sister tomorrow. Should be good!

Passing of a Great

Today one of the co-writers of The Berenstain Bears passed away. RIP Jan Berenstain.

I have a stack of 20-30 Berenstain Bear books that I've saved from my childhood. They were my ultimate favorite books in that "learning how to read" stage or life, and if I'm being completely honest, even now. I mean, there's nothing more nostaglic for me than seeing a Berenstain Bear book at the store. Last Christmas I bought my niece two of my favorites: "Too Much Junk Food" and "Go Out For The Team" (or was it "Get the Gimmies"). When I think about writers who inspired me to write and tell stories, I really do think it stems with Stan and Jan Berenstain. These were the first books that I could read to myself. The first books that I was completely lost in.

So, it's sad that she's passed and I wanted to take a moment to remember her. She was 88 years old. I can only hope that I live to be that age and that I'm still writing.

A little at a time....

So, I managed to edit 127 pages of THE SPIRIT KEEPER this weekend. I'd probably get through a little more if I had tomorrow off like most people (it's President's Day). But, of all the holidays not to have, I guess it makes sense. Anyway, I came to a bit of a stand-still with ARABELLE WILD (which means it's time for me to outline the rest of the novella), so I packed up my computer and spent three hours at Barnes and Noble working on edit #7 (or is it 8?). This edit is going well, or as well as it could go. I add a little. I take a little away. This time around I'm focusing on Evelyn, and really looking for things that could come out all together. Unfortunately, after 127 pages, I really haven't cut that much. In fact, this draft is longer than the last. I don't know why I worry about length so much, probably because I'm trying to break into the YA scene and a lot of books right now run like 150-200 pages shorter than where I'm at. I guess I'll just worry about that if I start getting feedback about length (if I get feedback at all). Might as well not jump the gun.

Anyway, just wanted to post a little blurb about where I'm at.

On another note, I came up for bed and found that my lovely cat had puked all over my blanket. I thought hairballs were supposed to come in easy matted chunks not projectile vomit and stomach juices. Gross, I know. What's grosser... sticking my finger in it. I don't know why I feel like that's important to share, but there you go. Enjoy, as I did.

Too bad he's so damn cute. Can't be mad for long.

Let me tell you a little story...

Still no news (I've got about 5 query letters out at the moment). Some of the agencies have a longer turn around time than the first few rejections that I received. I'm okay with waiting for these to come in. I need a break from the entire process. Is it sad that it's only two weeks in? :c/ Last week really sucked. I felt in a funk for days. I'm doing MUCH better now. And after receiving more feedback (thanks again Jammi!!!) I've decided that I need to do another edit of THE SPIRIT KEEPER before it's ready for more submissions. I had a feeling that it needed one more edit, but in my mind that was just to tighten up some of the writing (clean up the sentences). I've learned that I have a bigger issue on my hands: Making my main character more likeable (something that you HAVE to do when you get feedback from multiple sources that she's just not doing it for them).

The biggest issue is that I don't seem to show enough emotion/inner thoughts, etc. She comes off disconnected from things that are happening to her. Now, I see her totally differently then my readers did. After the first set of comments I was like "okay, I can fix that." Six edits later, the second set of comments come in and are virtually identical, and I was like "WTF am I doing wrong?" I think in a lot of ways I'm still too close to Evelyn (main character) to really see her closely. This is definitely why you need readers that you trust to give it to you straight. I thought I was seeing things so objectively! :) But no, I'm still too close to her.

But I think I have a game plan of how to attack the situation. And it involves the first rule of writing: show don't tell.

Here's an awesome link from Ilona Andrews's blog (thanks again Jammi). It has a lot of great examples in it, some of which I feel like I already do, and then new ways to think about this sometimes frustrating writing rule. For example, I never really considered that there might be a downside to too much showing. Something the blog post said that really suck with me is the following:

Use both showing and telling, each in moderation. Don’t try to make your book into a movie. It’s not; it’s a book, a written narrative.

(Check out the blog to see what she means about not turning your book into a movie, it's pretty interesting). I feel like I both show and tell, but for some reason Evelyn's personality isn't coming through. The reasons for this could be endless. I think it's because I know her so well that I don't give some of the details (that are in my head) to the readers.

This isn't the first time I've gotten this kind of feedback. In my MFA workshops "show don't tell" was fancied up to "trust the reader." One classmate in particular was always like "I want you to trust me to get it." A few others were like "there's too much telling in this." Now, to be fair to myself, it was my very first workshop story, written about seven hours before class. [I was the person to volunteer to bring in the first story for our workshop. I didn't give myself enough time, and unfortunately I think the first impression of my skills was pretty poor and lingered over my head. The second story I turned in my prof was like "wow, do you realize how much you've improved in such a short time?" I just kinda smiled and nodded, but I had more time to work it and knew my abilities were far more than that first story. Plus I worked hard on the second story because I was determined not to have such a negative workshop again. And I don't feel like I did.] Anyway, the point is that I've gotten feedback about showing and not telling before. Many times.

I wonder what it'll take to stick so that my first draft could be my last. Maybe that's just a pipe dream.

From my years in school I learned that my first drafts tend to be full of telling details. I think this is because I go with what Stephen King says to do: write the first draft with your heart. A lot of other people say this too, but his book On Writing was the first one to really connect with me. It's an excellent writing how-to book. The first half is his autobiography (which is inspirational on it's own) and the second half is a "writing toolbox."

Here's another great example that I discovered today:

Creating and editing are two different driving forces behind writing.  Creating is like running forward through a wide field: you don’t look back, you just go in whatever direction makes you happy.  You see only the field and the possibilities.  Editing is like looking at that field from a Goodyear blimp and pondering where in the the world that fool down below is going. ~ Illona Andrews

I love, love, LOVE this quote. When I'm writing a first draft, I am a total fool. And it's FUN to be foolish. It's crazy fun!

When I'm working on a first draft--especially if I'm excited about it--I just write and write. Some wild idea might come into my head and I just go with it. For example, in the very first draft of THE SPIRIT KEEPER (then called SURRENDER) I had a chicken (named Tessa) who was basically a character with personality and everything (she's has since been edited down). Here's how the creative process for Tessa the chicken went: Writing, writing, writing, and now we're on a farm, writing, writing, writing, and there's a big barn and a fancy chicken coop, writing, writing, writing, and there is a big chicken, a leader of all the other chickens, writing, writing, writing, Tessa is her name, writing, writing, writing, Evelyn puts Tessa in her bike basket and they ride around the farm, writing, writing writing [BOOM sudden realization]: Tessa is the special pet of one of the angels! YES! AMAZING CHICKEN! SHE'S AWESOME! She has super powers!!!! (Not really, but it felt that way).

*sigh* so much fun. That is the joy of the first draft.

I've been writing ARABELLE WILD this last week and it's been going very well. I'm glad that I started to write on it again (especially during my submission-rejection-funk) because it reminded me that even though the submission process is really hard and stressful, writing is fun. So in this first draft, I'm writing fast and furious. I don't think about sentences or showing vs. telling. I just go, go, go, and it's fun. And easy. It's the editing that's the hard part; it makes writing difficult, heart breaking, and rewarding.

But let me tell you... Tessa was one super bird. After my sister (who will always be my very first reader) read the novel we chatted about it and the conversation turned to places/things that could be cut and I was like "Tessa or Buddy?" (buddy is a friendly little demon). She said she liked Buddy more so he stayed in and Tessa became a sliver of the awesomeness that she was. In the end, it was a good edit.

But anyway... show versus tell might be the biggest battle of my writing life.

No news is not good news... in this case anyway

At this point I've sent out seven query letters (three of them were a no, and I'm pretty sure one more is a no). The agency was like "if we don't contact you in six weeks, it's a no." Well, going by how quick some of the others get back to me, I kind of have to figure that it's a no. Some say that "if you don't hear from us at all, it's a no," which I think is lame. While I don't really like form rejection letters, they do make the process faster. Anyway, there are 50 agents on this list of mine, some of which I've already trimmed out as not being a close enough match to what I and they are looking for. I may look into the new publishing books that came out (2012 Guide to Literary Agents) to see if I can find more. Maybe.

Rejections take a lot out of me. It's not like I'm taking it personally (that the "nos" mean I'm a horrible writer who should just stop trying). [If I have confidence in one thing in my life, it's my ability to tell a story.] But each rejection puts me further away from the dream that I have to publish. So far, submitting for my novel has been far different than short stories. The rejections come MUCH faster. With short stories it always took about three months to hear back; by then I'd had enough time to process and trick myself into thinking that maybe my story was on some "maybe" pile and ultimately not selected. With these email queries "no thanks" comes like machine gun fire. There's really no time to process it. So I need to get used to that. It's making this a really difficult process. Each rejection I get makes me think "Well, maybe it really isn't going to happen for me and I need to deal with that now and move on. What's plan B?"

I want to give kudos to all those authors who do submit to 100+ agents. I don't know that I have the heart for that. Plus, I grow a bit restless and feel like after so many it's time to set it aside and move on. But who's to say that agent 51 is the one who says yes. This game has definitely messed with my emotions the last few days.


So, in hope to rise out of this funk, I've decided to do some work on ARABELLE WILD. Why? First, because the characters have popped into my head a lot lately (I think I have "Downton Abbey" to thank, even though the era isn't the same). Second, because I'm having a hard time starting book 2 of my SPIRIT KEEPER series. I've been planning and outlining, but I just don't feel it at the moment. So, I need to take a bit of a break from it all together and switch my mind over to something else. And I'll admit, it's kinda nice to do something else. Maybe this is what my brain needs to get it together and reconnect with the joy of writing. 'Cause right now, I just want to curl up in bed and lay there quietly for a couple days. It'll pass, but being in the crush of it is definitely draining.

I suppose the good news is that it's 9pm and I haven't gotten a rejection email yet, which is good 'cause today was pretty ho-hum.

One down...

Well, it took less than 24 hours to hear back from Agent 1. The response: a form rejection letter. Here, I'll share it with you all:

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your manuscript doesn't sound like something that’s right for us. We wish you the best of success in placing your work elsewhere.

Pretty standard, actually. I have like 70 of these for my short stories.

So, before everyone says it: I know that there will be a lot of rejections. That's kind of a given right? We can move on from that. .....wait that might have seemed a little harsh or snappy..... Don't get me wrong, I know the intention behind the sentiment is 100% sincere, but sometimes I wonder if some people say it because they think my publishing expectations are unrealistic. To be fair, I do have big dreams. HUGE DREAMS. I've been putting "I'm going to be a published writer" vibes into the universe since I was nine. But deep down I know what the deal is. Did I want to be the first ever writer who was accepted by the first agent they ever submitted to? Sure. I mean, can you imagine how awesome that would have been?!?!? But did I really think that was going to happen: No.

So I hope that whoever reads this (and who might have mentioned something about how hard it is to make it) isn't offended or anything. I've heard this from so many people throughout the entire time I've been submitting (not just this latest submission, but back with short stories as well) and now I'm like AHHHH! For example, I called my mom to tell her about the rejection and she was like "Okay...." and then "Well, you know that....." And I was like "NO, STOP! DON'T SAY IT! I KNOW!"

Thank you for letting me vent for a moment (and this could be the sting of rejection talking).

I've already sent out the second query letter and I may send a third later tonight. I thought submitting right away would help with the sting of the first rejection and I think it has... at least for the moment. In my experience it usually takes a day or so for it to really sink in (and then usually I feel pretty crappy). I know that I'll keep moving on from this point and if no one wants to represent my novel, I guess it'll make a good e-book. I just want to give traditional publishing 100% effort before I look into self publishing. I just hope that eventually I'll get more feedback than just a form rejection letter.

So, moving on to something more positive. I started brainstorming book 2 today. Tomorrow's goal: to actually start writing. I think moving forward that way will really help me with the submission process because even as the rejections come in, I'll still be moving forward. Hopefully in the end I'll have a solid trilogy.